So she had gotten out some. Not that that was anything like freedom, but he was glad for it.
His effort to put distance between them somehow spirals far from his intention and farther from his control. His face drops with genuine distress. "I -- no, I would never violate your privacy like that. The Strahl is spelled against it, besides, but if you don't trust me, there are charms we can get against it."
The last thing he wants is her to feel unsafe. With him.
He takes the accusation so seriously it surprises her, and she feels almost guilty for the remark, shaking her head as she quickly walks over to him and rests a hand on his shoulder.
"I wasn't worried about that, silly. The crew is wonderful, and even though you're horrible, you've never been anything but a gentleman." Before she can second guess herself, Aerith leans up and pecks a quick kiss on his cheek.
The quickness with which she closes the space between them is more comforting than he expects. They squabble so often that he realizes he has no idea how she actually feels, and he's only assumed it's safe enough because she hasn't left, but--
The peck at his cheek is so quick he could almost convince himself he dreamed it. Except she's still this close to him, apologizing.
His usual suave devil-may-care countenance is nowhere to be found. "If you are ever, ever uncomfortable, you tell me, alright?" His hands hover uselessly at his side, one drifting up to brush her shoulder. Realizing what he's doing, he pulls it back, turning away.
"I should give you some space." He isn't actually talking about the garden, or tonight.
Her heart already felt like it had begun to run faster, a sensation that ramps up further when he briefly reaches for her and ghosts a hand over her shoulder. The distinct feeling that she's on the verge of something persists, even when he turns away from her and sends her stomach into knots.
"You don't," it feels like she both does and does not know what she's saying. "Have to." She doesn't want to crowd him, but Aerith steps closer to him anyway, deciding it was her turn to reach for Balthier, touching his shoulder fleetingly as he had hers, leaning into the feeling that even though she can't find the words to suit this, she doesn't want him to give her any space.
Touch and proximity do a lot more to hold him there than words. Words are his tool of choice, and he can bend them to convince himself of anything. But touch--
It's hard to make himself believe this is unwanted when she keeps closing the space between them.
That doesn't soothe the way his stomach twists or the heavy sense of shame that's suddenly gripping him. He feels like he's manipulated her somehow, taken advantage when it wasn't right to. And yet he can't quite force himself to walk away.
"Are you happy here, princess?" It comes out in a tense whisper, but he manages to meet her gaze.
Being called princess like that gives her pause, but she makes a good effort to conceal how perplexed she is when he turns to meet her eye again. "Of course I am. Isn't it obvious?"
Aerith liked to think that once she came to terms with what her new life consisted of, she'd found her place among the crew without too much trouble. She found the idea of beginning a new life as a sky pirate exciting, being able to use the magic she spent so many years studying to help people was more gratifying than anything she's known before it. And Balthier, too, brings her a certain element of happiness as well. She's never had a friend before, at least not one she can be as much of herself as she is with him. The thought of him makes her smile, and it's nice. She doesn't want that to end.
"Being one of the ship's healers makes me really happy, and I like going places with you," she adds quietly after a too-long pause has had time to hang in the air.
He'd -- thought it was obvious too, but for a moment it was like he'd slipped off the deck, plummeting wildly with no idea which way was up. What if he'd read all of this wrong, what if she really still felt like a prisoner?
His thoughts are so slow and heavy that he's just stuck as a dear in the firelight. Her voice pulls him back, and he thinks he knows her well enough by now to know she couldn't fake the sincerity in that statement.
Before he can't think better of it, his hands find hers, holding them together between them. "I like having you along with me. And I enjoy having you on the crew. I--" He barely manages to push down whatever nonsense he was going to say about wanting to see her happy. "Know what it's like to feel caged. I don't want that for you, or for anyone who flies with me."
But his heart is tight in his chest and he can't deny, at some point, it became different with her.
Just when she begins to wonder if she was being stupid for noticing him as much as she has and in the way she's begun to, Balthier takes his hands in hers and makes it impossible for Aerith to think of anything but the things he says and the way he says them.
Were she more experienced with things sort of thing or more worldly in a general sense, she might have weighed the risks of giving into the pull she's felt between them all night, a pull that's exacerbated by the wine and made very difficult to question with him looking into her eyes and telling her he doesn't want her to feel caged.
But, she isn't, and so she doesn't. Instead Aerith steps forward, bridging the space between them as she brings herself up onto the balls of her feet and presses her lips intently against his.
The wine and their hands together and his whiplash of emotions mean that when her lips press against his he lets out a startled sound, but only for a moment before he kisses back, fingers squeezing hers.
And he absolutely should not be doing that. He is her captain, and her senior, and her kidnapper, and--
And he doesn't pull that far away when the kiss breaks, doesn't let her hands go.
"Decided to test out more of the wife role, did you?"
He doesn't have time to be witty or to protest, and it's a good thing he's still holding her hands because otherwise he'd be tempted to do something stupid like hold her.
"Are you telling me Aerith the wife wouldn't kiss her husband in front of everyone?"
"It's not ladylike," she answers quietly. That's not to say she wouldn't, but after a lifetime spent having the norms of what proper wives should and should not do, it's the only answer she feels right giving.
"And I think wife Aerith would enjoy kissing in a moonlit garden."
So caged she can't even fantasize freely. His heart aches. He knows what that feels like, and it's all the more painful not be able to just lift that weight from her.
"Well husband Balthier would enjoy kissing his wife however she wanted to be kissed." As should any partner she chooses. He gives her one last peck to make his point, but when he breaks he pulls her into a the tight embrace of a good friend, which really, is what she's becoming. "I'm so glad you're free from that place. That's not what life is supposed to be."
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 03:42 am (UTC)His effort to put distance between them somehow spirals far from his intention and farther from his control. His face drops with genuine distress. "I -- no, I would never violate your privacy like that. The Strahl is spelled against it, besides, but if you don't trust me, there are charms we can get against it."
The last thing he wants is her to feel unsafe. With him.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 03:49 am (UTC)"I wasn't worried about that, silly. The crew is wonderful, and even though you're horrible, you've never been anything but a gentleman." Before she can second guess herself, Aerith leans up and pecks a quick kiss on his cheek.
"I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 07:31 pm (UTC)The peck at his cheek is so quick he could almost convince himself he dreamed it. Except she's still this close to him, apologizing.
His usual suave devil-may-care countenance is nowhere to be found. "If you are ever, ever uncomfortable, you tell me, alright?" His hands hover uselessly at his side, one drifting up to brush her shoulder. Realizing what he's doing, he pulls it back, turning away.
"I should give you some space." He isn't actually talking about the garden, or tonight.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 11:21 pm (UTC)"You don't," it feels like she both does and does not know what she's saying. "Have to." She doesn't want to crowd him, but Aerith steps closer to him anyway, deciding it was her turn to reach for Balthier, touching his shoulder fleetingly as he had hers, leaning into the feeling that even though she can't find the words to suit this, she doesn't want him to give her any space.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-22 12:31 am (UTC)It's hard to make himself believe this is unwanted when she keeps closing the space between them.
That doesn't soothe the way his stomach twists or the heavy sense of shame that's suddenly gripping him. He feels like he's manipulated her somehow, taken advantage when it wasn't right to. And yet he can't quite force himself to walk away.
"Are you happy here, princess?" It comes out in a tense whisper, but he manages to meet her gaze.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-22 01:15 am (UTC)Aerith liked to think that once she came to terms with what her new life consisted of, she'd found her place among the crew without too much trouble. She found the idea of beginning a new life as a sky pirate exciting, being able to use the magic she spent so many years studying to help people was more gratifying than anything she's known before it. And Balthier, too, brings her a certain element of happiness as well. She's never had a friend before, at least not one she can be as much of herself as she is with him. The thought of him makes her smile, and it's nice. She doesn't want that to end.
"Being one of the ship's healers makes me really happy, and I like going places with you," she adds quietly after a too-long pause has had time to hang in the air.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-24 02:01 am (UTC)His thoughts are so slow and heavy that he's just stuck as a dear in the firelight. Her voice pulls him back, and he thinks he knows her well enough by now to know she couldn't fake the sincerity in that statement.
Before he can't think better of it, his hands find hers, holding them together between them. "I like having you along with me. And I enjoy having you on the crew. I--" He barely manages to push down whatever nonsense he was going to say about wanting to see her happy. "Know what it's like to feel caged. I don't want that for you, or for anyone who flies with me."
But his heart is tight in his chest and he can't deny, at some point, it became different with her.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-24 02:19 am (UTC)Were she more experienced with things sort of thing or more worldly in a general sense, she might have weighed the risks of giving into the pull she's felt between them all night, a pull that's exacerbated by the wine and made very difficult to question with him looking into her eyes and telling her he doesn't want her to feel caged.
But, she isn't, and so she doesn't. Instead Aerith steps forward, bridging the space between them as she brings herself up onto the balls of her feet and presses her lips intently against his.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 01:40 am (UTC)And he absolutely should not be doing that. He is her captain, and her senior, and her kidnapper, and--
And he doesn't pull that far away when the kiss breaks, doesn't let her hands go.
"Decided to test out more of the wife role, did you?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 01:59 am (UTC)"It helps make it believable, doesn't it? Kissing in the garden."
But, she's already kissing him again after she asks, not allowing him the chance to answer.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 04:03 am (UTC)"Are you telling me Aerith the wife wouldn't kiss her husband in front of everyone?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 07:19 pm (UTC)"And I think wife Aerith would enjoy kissing in a moonlit garden."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 08:55 pm (UTC)"Well husband Balthier would enjoy kissing his wife however she wanted to be kissed." As should any partner she chooses. He gives her one last peck to make his point, but when he breaks he pulls her into a the tight embrace of a good friend, which really, is what she's becoming. "I'm so glad you're free from that place. That's not what life is supposed to be."